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"French people are bitter because americans come over and have no idea how to speak french and we dont even attempt to speak french. I know one sentence. Donez moi jam bone au bec mustard. Give me ham with mustard. Thats all i can say." - Bam Margera

"Does anyone wanna switch boxers with me?!" - Bam Margera

"Bockwurst is another name for penis in german." - Chris Pontius

"What do you think of all these wankers coming in your country?" - Johnny Knoxville

"Everyone is worrired about the lativan gangs robbing us, I wanna join." - Chris Pontius

"The russian police stern, stern but fair." - Chris Pontius

"You look fresh as a fuckin daisy!" - Sleepo

"Hey dude smell my head. Its gona get cha! Its gona get cha!" - Sleepo

"Fuck you dude, fuck yous what happened." - Sleepo

"I wish life was like a porno movie." - Chris Pontius

"Its a skunk, a skunk with wheels." - Bam Margera

"Im Steveo-Kneveo and this is the bunny hop." - Steveo

"Johnny Knoxville is always the star. He always is in everything, hes always in the magazines. All the girls think hes cuter, and he even wins the race. But we're still trying, right?" - Chris Pontius

"Hit him in the ding ding!" - Johnny Knoxville

"Its a speedo G string, boy this is a treasure." - Chris Pontius

"That shits HAGGARD." Bam Margera

"Oh man you look like an egg with legs coming out of it!" - Bam Margera

"Im about to get my ass kicked by crawfish." - Steveo

"I gota come to terms with my sexuality. I gota know what Im all about." - Chris Pontius

"I'm sick of this pooping stuff! I'm gonna get my buttcheeks pierced together!" - Steveo

"He broke his tailbone...that's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the purpose?" - Ryan Dunn

"Im gona be so bummed when they announce my sexually transmited desieses." - Chris Pontius

"You had your big moment on the ice? Well, it's payback time! Kicking your ass would be the icing on my cake!" - Bam Margera

"My job on the show is to be naked not kill myself." - Chris Pontius

"I don't mean to toot my own horn, but, 'beep beep!'" - Dave England

"You're not even Mexican!" - Chris Pontius

"I feel like kicking my dad's ass all day today!" - Bam Margera

"That guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town." - Chris Pontius

"I was awash in a sea of poo." - Johnny Knoxville

"Hey, is my ass burning?" - Johnny Knoxville

"You were about five feet short of a ten feet jump?" - Johnny Knoxville

"I'm about to hit some haggard backwoods crap." - Ryan Dunn

"Ho ho holy shit!" - Johnny Knoxville

"This isn't that homemade stuff...that love mayonaise?" - Johnny Knoxville

"I feel like my eyes have gonorreah!!!" - Johnny Knoxville

"Would that stop any assailant?"
"That would stop a fucking freight train." - Jason and Johnny Knoxville

"That's not Christian!" - Chris Pontius

"My garbage will fall out if I get any lower." - Johnny Knoxville

"I think there's some sausage in here." - Johnny Knoxville

"Aww you sick fuck, fucking mustard. Rake help me!" - Ryan Dunn

"Hotdog gymnastics." - Chris Raab

"I HATE MUSTARD!" - Rake Yohn

"I dont want him to hit me in the head either." - Ryan Dunn

"Why does he sleep sideways? *EGUH*" Bam Margera

"I'm Ryan Dunn and I'm surrounded by morons." - Ryan Dunn

"I want you to punch me in the face, one second prior to take-off so it softens the blow" - Bam Margera

"We're gonna go down these hills in these carts and get hurt...it's ghetto carts, baby!" - Brandon DiCamillo

"He's gonna be annialated!" - Bam Margera

"What are you, a jerk?" - April Margera

"This is the meter place....this is the enemy!" - Danger Ehren

"Baby's cold." - Chris Pontius

"Dude, that is no joke....no joke!" - Rake Yohn

"These doucments need to be done on time let me tell you that." - Brandon DiCamillo

"Fire doesn't burn if you're already dead!" - Chris Pontius

"From my experiments with sexiness, seems like a lo of people are afraid at first, and fear usually equals violence. But eventually I'll win their hearts and instead of fighting they'll want to make love to me."
"Even the men?"
"Yep." - Chris Pontius

"I'm about over the meat marinade" - Johnny Knoxville

"I have a full grown, semi-nude man bound with duct tape in my truck and I was trying to get out to the desert to bury him. How do I get to 5 South?" - Johnny Knoxville

"How do you smell?"
"Well, like a damned skunk, how do you think I smell?" - Johnny Knoxville

"One day it hit me and I was like fuck, ooh, uh...crap!" - Dave England

"Come wash my back!" - Johnny Knoxville

"I'm not into beastiality, but that's a good looking animal." - Chris Pontius

"Don't tell me to fuck off, say 'jackass!'" - Johnny Knoxville

"He pooed! He pooed his pants!" Johnny Knoxville

"Im Ryan Dunn and this is a STUPID idea rolling down a hill." - Ryan Dunn

"HI, hi we're snowtubing, its awsome, heh heh." - Chris Pontius

Jackass on Sunday nights on MTV at the 10 spot